For a while now, well actually since I am back in Switzerland and a bit before, I started to realise, that a lot of my friends and people I meet, think I have a super awesome life. And I am kind of there – looking around for the person they might be talking to, realising they do mean me and then wonder for the rest of the conversation how they might have come to that conclusion and what exactly am I missing out on, that I don’t see my life the same way? Haha big laugh – that is the age of facebook, instagram and so on where everything always looks and seems and tastes like sunshine.
But let me tell you and give you a little rant – it is really really hard to be self-employed. It is really really hard to take the decision to be employed again and then try again and again to be self-employed again. I have heard of not one single person that is self-employed, that hasn’t tried a few times, hasn’t built up what they have with long hours of work, a lot of trust and faith as well as luck. And life is never just sunshine. And even if you are happily self-employed, the shitty days are there as well. It is a skill to see the positive and keep going – a skill that I might not have mastered yet perfectly. I know people who have mastered that skill and the difference is – the shitty days don’t haunt them for long. The identification-trap, what I call it, is the only thing that can and will keep you in your shitty days. The identification-trap is, when you find yourself in a situation that you know very well and you feel so comfortable in that situation, that you identify your whole being by this situation and who you are in this moment. Let me give you an example – you keep finding yourself trying to sell your services and struggling to get enough money to pay your rent – you are so familiar with this situation that you start to identifiy that person that you are in this moment as who you are always. Like a „struggling but optimistic individual that never earns enough money to pay the rent“. Just an example. That sentence is completely made up and if you think that about yourself – it is completely made up as well. You follow me? Anyway what was my point – my point was that, no matter how awesome someone else’s life might seem – we all have ups and downs. We do our best. All of us. We can all try to make changes, we can all climb up high and fall down deep. At any time of our lives. Several times.
For me personally, the struggle I have is to allow myself to sit down and have a coffee. To do so is really hard. Even to allow myself to go for a walk is really hard… Being self-employed is absolutely the one and only thing I want. That I know by now for sure. But I might not have the perfect personality to be self-employed, if that even exists, the perfect personality I mean. I always strive for more. It is hard for me to say „this is good“. It is especially hard to stop, when you are in the middle of „something“. And being self-employed, I am ALWAYS in the middle of something. Everything I do is a progress, a process, a prdouction, creation of something. It is all related to earn a living. Yet only a tiny bit is actually being payed by someone hence being classified as an „action that leads to earning a living“. Very little of it. And that is fine. Because all of it is fun to do. Even if it is only for me. And for the people around me.
So for me, to sit down and have a coffee is a huge thing. I haven’t mastered yet not to feel guilty or stressed. To not want to jump up and keep working. Workaholic? I don’t know. It is the pressure to keep doing, to keep developing – it is the fear of the unknown. The fear of never knowing what is next.
I would prefer to take my dog on an awesome long 2 hour walk EVERY SINGLE day. But I don’t allow myself. I even need to find an excuse why I would do such a thing. Just for her well-being is not enough. She is happy after 30 minutes and a bit of playing around. I need to almost find something that I need to achieve – like being more fit in order to keep up with the expectations I think have been put on me, but so fucking high that I feel I will never ever achieve to be fit/fast/strong enough. Notice the „I think have been put on me“ – blaming the outside world for something that I am doing myself. I am being sarcastic here. Of course it is just me and no one else who makes up expectations. Puh. Little cry and self-pitty and on we go. So I almost need to find another reason than „my dog loves to walk 2 hours a day every single day“ to allow myself to actually do that. My own well-being is not even enough of a reason. God help. That is ridiculous. I might actually take her on a walk for 2 bloody hours later. Yes yes. And feel like I am not working at all. That is what I mean with “being self-employed can be really hard and is not a sunshine walk”.
So first step. I allow myself to have an awesome coffee while writing. That feels pretty ok. Writing is kind of part of my being self-employed even though that very likely will never ever lead to any cash being payed. But who cares really – I don’t.
And why coffee? For the very reason, that I made an awesome, simply awesome chai-infused syrup that I LOVE but absolutely love with a caffeine-free coffee. While we were in Portugal on holidays, I found this product (which is actually German) that tastes like coffee (for me anyway, I don’t like normal coffee without a shit load of sugar and rice milk). It is called Lupinenkaffee – it is a coffee made of the seeds of a flower called „lupin“. That is a pretty flower actually and they grow in our garden!! I simply brew the coffee, add a bit of my chai-infused syrup and rice milk and am the happiest person on earth for a few minutes. It tastes also very nice just with rice milk and water but I love the depth in taste that the coffee adds. I guess with cows milk and water you could achieve the same depth – so try it if you fancy cows milk – I don’t at all. Can’t tell you how it tastes. You can let me know. Or – with black tea or even better if you like the smoked taste: Lapsang Souchong. Which is a smoked black tea. You can find it here: PURE TEAS organic lapsang souchong
And here comes the recipe after a very long rant:
Chai-infused syrup for your 2-mins Chai Tea
1 part sugar
1 part water
¼ part chai spices blend*
Mix all ingredients together in a large pan and slowly heat up. Keep stirring, do not walk away from your syrup at this stage!! Allow it to boil up and let it boil, while you keep stirring, for a few minutes. Lower the heat when you feel all your sugar has dissolved and keep the syrup boiling for another 10 minutes. Then turn off the heat and leave it steep for another 10 minutes. Transfer into glass bottles and finished.
To make your Chai Tea, use the syrup like you would make a normal cold syrup. The differenc is – you are adding hot water with your favourite milk. Or coffee. I love it with coffee. And rice milk. Or almond milk. Or go for black tea, rooibos tea, Lapsang Souchong. As you like.
*I used my organic Chakra Chai – which you can find here: PURE TEAS organic chakra chai
50g Chakra Chai tea will make you minimum 2dl Chai-Syrup, which gives you between 15-20 cups of Chai Tea.
So. And if you made it to the bottom of the page and are actually interested in trying this out yourself.. I am happy to give you a little voucher to order your organic spices / teas. Go to my Online Shop and at the check-out page enter the following gift code: CHAI SYRUP. You will get 15% off your order.